A couple of weeks ago I took a two-day class: it was one of those rare occurrences which, in a small yet important way, changed my life. The workshop—on “finding your voice”—was offered by the business arm of The Royal Academy for Dramatic Arts (RADA) and it was taught by Sarah Blumenau, a petite dynamo former actress, now voice and presentation coach. With her permission, I will share with you a little of what I have learned, and how it confirmed my long-held belief that connecting to your audience is fundamental in executive presence.
This is my last article in a four-part series about the “inner keys” of executive presence—those mindsets, attitudes, and intentions, which, albeit internal, show up externally in major ways, helping us make a compelling impression on others.
Can you picture someone who speaks with conviction, confidence, and well-chosen words (the other three “inner keys” I talked about)? Can you still picture that person failing miserably at inspiring or creating trust with others? Because I can.
It looks like the self-absorbed jerk who believes their opinion matters above all others. Or the awkward person who never makes eye contact during a conversation.
This is why connecting to your audience is essential.
I could tell you that connection is about making eye contact. It is about truly listening to your counterpart in a dialogue, to what is said and unsaid. It’s about not being afraid to stop your monologue if the room is not buying your message, and boldly address the “elephant in the room.” It’s about doing your research in advance and adapting your message based on how your audience prefers to receive information.
Yes, these are all behaviors that show that you are connecting.
But ultimately, connection starts on the inside, and it starts with the mindset that it’s not about you. It’s about them.
Connection starts on the inside, and it starts with the mindset that it’s not about you. It’s about them.
High-stake situations cannot be about you trying to make a good impression. Starting with this mindset will “highjack your focus towards a cycle of self-monitoring, and that often results in not being your best self,” as I wrote before.
Your best self—your “optimal status” as Sarah called it in my class—is what you want to access in those high-stake moments, so that you can unlock your executive presence. When we are at our best, we do not try to dominate, and we do not try to overcompensate for our insecurities, either. We speak confidently and we listen intently because we do not have to prove anything to anyone. We can do that because we feel completely safe and in control: in this conversation, on this podium, or in front of this room.
Wondering “Am I coming across as credible?” “I see this guy at the back is really not buying it, I need to be better!” is not making us feel safe. In fact, it’s making us feel the opposite of safe, as I can attest from situations where I was at the front of the room, and I was thinking these exact thoughts.
When we are at our best, we do not try to dominate, and we do not try to overcompensate for our insecurities, either. We speak confidently and we listen intently because we do not have to prove anything to anyone.
So, how can we make it not about us, but about them (i.e. our audience)?
Making a small change—the intent with which you approach a situation—can make a significant difference.
“I need to impress” is an intent focused on us. Conversely, an intent focused on them, the audience, would be “I want to help them.” Or “I am curious to understand their point of view.” Or “I want to make sure they understand this idea.”
Sarah suggested that a helpful intent in a high-stakes interaction is that of a host. I love this idea! A host is, by definition, on their “home turf,” in their own space, where they feel safe. They are also generously focused on making sure the guests have everything they need. Hosting is generously other-focused. By releasing the pressure on us, this gives us permission to shine, and do our best.
I hope that you try this out, next time you are in an intimidating situation. Pick a goal that is focused on your audience, not on you. Can you imagine, thinking about yourself as the host of that meeting you are dreading with a difficult client? Or approaching a speech in front of 200 people with the mindset “I just want to help them understand.” How freeing could that be?
When you speak with conviction about your topic, you are confident in your right to be here, you choose your words deliberately, and you truly connect with your audience (because it’s about them, after all!) you will find your own individual, unique way to have executive presence. It’s even possible that it will not be the loudest, biggest presence in the room—that may just not be your style—but I assure you, people will listen.
